Where The Husband bangs his head on beams making noise like Xylophone

As it's Friday, have been frantically scanning the property websites to see if any thing new has popped up and could be worth seeing this weekend. I have become addicted to them since trying to find suitable house to buy, as we have sold ours and are renting at the moment.  The Husband has become increasingly suspicious of Estate Agent speak and says if I short list, he will take a look tonight. Must admit he may have a point after last weekend's fiasco, when we went to see a house by (and sometimes in) the river and stately pile that is being divided into 'luxury apartments' ...Which reminds me, I didn't finish telling you about what happened at that viewing. We had barely reached the top of the horror movie staircase when Phyllis, our estate agent, immediately launches into sales fever.
The Husband begins to tell her that as we are not certified insane, this is not the house for us and we're off  but Phyllis is not easily deterred, not to mention loopy.

"Well I know it needs doing up a bit, blah blah but you have to visualise it all decorated with new curtains and new fitted kitchen." She says opening door to caravan sized cupboard which is the same as all the others off the hallway and can only be identified as the kitchen, as it is has a cooker that must have been all the rage in 1942.

"The developer  is creating four 'luxury apartments' she continues in enthusiastic oblivion. "Its  it's good to get in now, then  you can add your own specifications." She opens door to long hall way that looks like tunnel and has low sloped ceiling.

"How about raising the roof for start" The Husband says forgetting to duck and banging head on beams one after another making noise like xylophone, "I'll  turn into Quasimodo if I live here."

"Don't be silly" I tell him," that would cost a fortune "maybe developer chappie could  lower floor." that doesn't go down well for some reason.

"This would be your sitting room," Phyllis says grandly "it has fireplace and views of valley."

(Which it has, If I stand on tip toes on window seat, propped up by The Husband.)

"Lovely light because of the  double aspect," she says indicating peephole in gable end which gives birds eye view of  a large plume of smoke drifting from chipboard factory.  When I pull back curtains a vacant birds nest falls out.

"Used to be servants quarters for old hall," Phyllis says.

"Must have been pygmies" The Husband says with his arms folded and v. cross face on. "Who  lives in front part?"

"The developer," Phyllis says "the other three flats have been sold, this is the only remaining one."

"Hard to believe," The Husband says, already half way down the stairs.