Where I almost have a heart attack after reading health news in the papers

"I'm confused." I tell Bee, as we have a glass of wine last night, in front of the fire in the "Trout and Rod," while waiting for our friend Kitty to arrive. "This morning's paper says "daily tipple fights dementia."
"Hurrah, that's good news,"Bee says taking a good swig of Shiraz, "little and often is good for you apparently."
"That's what I thought but the day before yesterday newspaper said we would be more likely to get disease such as breast cancer, even with one glass a day."
"That can't be right. Monday's paper says a glass of wine a day could keep your memory going for longer and  scientists predict it can cut the the risk of dementia by a third." Bee says with such conviction, any one listening would think she had the done research herself.
"Hmmm, sure you're not getting mixed up with that Ginkgo bil blah blah or Gogi berries?" I say.  "Just wish papers would make up mind about health issues. It's all very worrying.  I was taking Ibuprofen for novel writer's neck ache earlier this week and then found out that they can make risk of stroke greater and treble risk of heart attack."
"Ah, easily fixed," says Bee smugly, "I've read that if you take those little aspirins you won't keel with a stroke and good for heart."
"Yes but they give you stomach ulcer."
"Anyway, Times says that Ibuprofen reduces risk of Parkinson's disease and red wine good for preventing heart attacks." Bee says.
"Yes, but apparently shouldn't drink red wine with Ibuprofen v. bad for your kidneys, can shorten life." I say.
"However, I read in  today's Times that if you eat apples, you'll definitely live longer."
"Yes but  according to scientists, only true if you're a fruit fly." I add. "Seems they change their minds every other day. Aha, that's it,  have brilliant idea," I tell Bee. "I'll buy the Daily Mail every other day only, to be sure of good news and I think we should drink a half bottle of red wine every night to wash down Ibuprofen, two little aspirins and six Granny Smith's, to be on the safe side."
Kitty arrives, and interrupts our riveting discussion.  We haven't seen her for a month as she has been on cruise with family to celebrate parents 55th wedding anniversary.  She looks tanned, thin, wonderful and therefore hateful..
After quick catch up where we tell her about Charlie and Tasha's Summer wedding, she makes us jealous by telling us about the highlights of their Mediterranean destinations including Bellini's at Harry's Bar in Venice and  a visit to the Parthenon at dusk. Then she says "I have some exciting news," she pauses to takes sip of wine, "I've met a wonderful  man!"
"Ooh," we say impressed, as Kitty has been single for ages, since her divorce. "How romantic,what's he like?"
"Lovely," she says going all misty.  "He only lives five miles away, it's funny how I must have driven past his office on the way to the village for absolutely ages and yet we met in Venice."
"Divorced?"  Bee says. Kitty shakes head.
"Widowed?" I ask.
"Nope, he's never been married."
Kitty and me raise an eyebrow. "Never?"
"Perennial bachelor," "or old lothario?" we tease.
"Hmmm, not exactly.." she says and then adds mysteriously, "I'll let you see for yourselves, he's coming over next weekend, wants to meet you."