Sunday 13 March 2011

Where Kitty says "he's 26 and I'm 50 are you shocked?"

I got on the scales this morning and said to the husband "Hah, weight watchers chart says I am ideal weight for a woman  of 5' 10."
"Yes," said the husband, looking up from shaving"but aren't you 5"5?" Trust him to nit pick over a small point.
"Well do I look 52?"  I said pressing my palms to my chin and hoisting up my jowls.
"No, no," he said, "not at all."
I smile. "Ahh."
"You look more like 63."
Grrrr!
"Stop being silly," He says winking at me,  "you're only asking me all these questions because of Kitty's new man."
Last night we went to the 'Trout and Rod' and The Husband, myself Bee and Theo were having a drink whilst waiting for Kitty and her date to arrive for dinner.
"She's been very mysterious this week," I said, munching on scampi crisps that the pub's resident cat, Butch finds so irresistible he would even kiss the dog next door, if offered one for a dare. I dropped him a couple of pieces earlier on and he was licking his lips every time my hand went into the bag.
 "She won't tell us anything about him other than he's never been married and has no kids."
"Obviously clever bloke," The Husband said to Theo, who nods in shared admiration.
"All she would say, other than they met on the same cruise of the Med last month, was that he runs a local business."
"Yes," Bee adds, "their paths never crossed here, but they bumped into each other in Venice, obviously fate. Oh, here she is"
Kitty approached our table, still all tanned and fabulous. We all look around her to see if she's alone just see a youngish chap who looks like our waiter. "Everyone I want you to meet Matthew," She says as 'youngish waiter chap' takes hold of her hand and steps forward smiling broadly.
Although we try to hide our surprise, The Husband, Bee Theo and myself couldn't have looked more stunned if he'd got three heads.
Errm can I get you a drink?" The husband says as we girls slip away to the ladies loo.
"Well, What do you think?" Kitty said, giggling.
"Wow," Bee said, "he's very errmm, tall not to mention young looking,"
"Yes he's six feet five," Kitty says, brushing her already immaculate hair, "broad too but  he's a landscape gardener, so he does a lot of physical work. You should see your faces," she said, I haven't seen you so shocked since the police discovered old Mrs. Jefferies, (who does flowers for village Church) was growing cannabis on her window sill."
"She still says she thought they were tomato plants," Bee said.
"Anyway, go on guess, what's the age gap, do you think?"
"Hmmm, ten to twelve years," I said.
"Nope."
"Fif -teen?" Bee says doubtfully.
Kitty grinned, shook her head. "Not even close."
"Can't be twenty," I said in disbelief.
"No," says Kitty, "Actually it's twenty four, are you shocked."
"No," I said, "I'm most impressed."

 "I cant' believe it, she's fifty and he's twenty six."  I say to The Husband this morning.
"Yes, she looks pretty good, must be all that working out."
"Hmmmph, wish I had rich parents like Kitty, or fab' job to pay for personal trainer, liposuction, boob job and a face lift (wont' bother with colonic irrigation, much better not to eat all that food in first place from what I've heard)."
"I have brilliant idea." he says, "ask next time you're at the Job Centre, I'm sure they'll do it on benefits."

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