Where I suggest girl friend for our Parrot and The Husband has apoplexy

9.30am
Am taking a break from novel writing to tell you that things did not go quite as planned with husband and the birdie matchmaking.  "Oh, by the way" I said casually last night over dinner, "budgies may be going to Scotland."
"Brilliant!" says The Husband "no more yakking when crucial part of Silent Witness on TV. No more hoovering every five minutes."
"Yes but  budgies are Monty's friends," I argue (Monty calls them 'the boys' patiently tries to teach them English). "Maybe we should  get him a girl friend?"
"What!" The Husband says in very shocked tone usually heard when phone bill comes, "are you mad. Monty's cage already takes up 65% of room, add budgies and we're up to about 70%."  (We are in rather compact rented house at the moment).
"If we get another parrot cage in the living room,  we might as well move into cages and the birds can sit on the sofa and watch TV." He says throwing hands up crossly.
I have vision of fight over remote control, feathers flying and Linus (obese,vicious, green budgie) clutching it triumphantly in his beak, one foot on Monty's chest, pinning him to carpet.
I mention the girl parrot "She's up for adoption," I say "the couple who have her can't keep her because they're out all day,(at least  that's one good thing about me being unemployed writer, Monty has my company all day, although obviously not the same as having parrot girlfriend.) Also she's very cute blah, blah," I give Oscar winning sob story but The Husband's having none of it.
"Anyway," he says "they may not get along, you can't just put them together, they have to be properly introduced."
I have already thought of  that, envisage small candle lit table for two, 1/4 bottle of wine, chef's seeds de jour, peanut souffle... "What's a nice bird like you, doing in a cage like this?" Hee hee, I just crack myself up.

"Then there's the noise, the feathers," says The Husband, "absolutely not."
Phone rings, The Husband answers. "Ah yes," he says all charm, "you're the couple with the parrot...she sounds lovely.... this weekend, errm, well errm... yes lovely we'll look forward see you on Sunday."  He hangs up and gives me what I call 'The Look.'  He wags finger, "We're just going to see her, that's all."