Where I ponder what Churchill, Shakespeare and Job Seeker's Allowance have in common?

Hmmm.....
a) Churchill

b) Shakespeare
c) Job Seeker's Allowance?

To be British you have to know about all of the above, according to Ruby Wax and so for those of you not intimately acquainted with the intricacies of option c) today I have the  pleasure, known to all Job Seeker's as 'signing on,' the ritual performed every two weeks by the swelling ranks of the British middle aged, middle class, unemployed. George who is manning reception at the Job Centre, greets me with  his usual cheery "hello" and I wait for an 'advisor.'

Depending on who I see, the process can go two ways.  If it is Good Looking Blonde, or any of the other women it is likely to be a quick affair.  GLB, who is same age as me but looks ten years younger, takes a quick look over my "search for work form,"  on which I am supposed to outline my quest for employment since my last visit. We have a quick chat and in the time it takes to photocopy my list,  we have covered our teenage children, cellulite, how much our roots need doing and Zhumba classes. Sorted in three minutes.
If it falls on the men and Kevin in particular, then it's possible that one of us could die from old age. As he's at least twenty five years younger than I am, it's not looking good for me.Today Kev goes through my ramblings with the same attention to detail given to a difficult post mortem on 'Silent Witness.' He dissects my form, picking out the actual job search (3%) from the 'fluff' I wrap it in every week (97%) with impressive forensic efficiency.
"You say you are working on a no-velle," he says  struggling with my handwriting "and have been doing some sort of 'writing course,'  but actually, what have you been doing to look for a job?"  He peers over the top of his glasses. I squirm in my seat as I did when I in front of our school headmaster who was admonishing me for not 'applying myself ' in Mathematics . "You must do these more tedious things," the head  said  gravely "if you want to get on in life."
 "Hah," I think smugly, "I was right. I have never actually been called upon to use a slide rule, algebra or  logarithms..... or wait... maybe he was right... and that's why I'm sitting here with  Kev?
"Errm, I... "
"You need to attend the back to work seminar next week," he says, filling out  an appointment card and thrusting it across the desk. "If you fail to attend- (You will be taken out and shot? I wonder) - your Job Seekers Allowance may be stopped." I can hardly contain my excitement.