Where I set goals for writing masterpiece (if the parrot and budgies ever shut up)

I am on best behaviour this morning and have been working on novel. After grim visit to Job Centre yesterday and  no prospects of any job on horizon, I have decided I must set goal of 500 words, or sheet of A4 a day. But it's a bit like the Bayeaux tapestry (although obviously not as pretty... or with as good pictures, or anything like that) but  I keep unpicking at one end while adding more at the other so it doesn't seem to get any longer. I'm making cup of tea when I hear budgies screeching as if cat is in garden or murder is being committed.  Rush in to find Monty, our African Grey parrot, perched on top of their cage, which must be like having King Kong sitting on your roof. In a perfect impression of my voice, he's squawking  "It's all right, It's all right," bobbing his head, which usually means he's pleased to see you.  Ramone (cute and naive blue budgie) is taken in and doesn't seem to mind his feathered neighbour dropping by but  Linus (obese and vicious green budgie) who doesn't speak a word of  English, is having none of it. In a show of birdie machismo he decides to see off intruder and flaps and screams. Disgusted,  Monty shouts "bad boy!" leaps back to his cage and sheds a pillow full of  feathers on my laptop. I dust off keys, have wheezing fit and make note to get Hoover out again. Hmmm, a glamorous life, this novelist business.